Sunday, November 16, 2008

Birthday Jokes

Adam to Ella: What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
Ella: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!

A husband was happy with his wife's birthday.
He asked her what she wanted as a present.
His wife replied, "Oh, I don't know"! Just give me something with diamonds".
He bought her a pack of playing cards.

Jesan asked his wife, what would she like for her birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, they both went to a theme park.
He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide,
The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear and many more. After going through all these,
she staggered out of the theme park five hours later.
Her head was reeling and her stomach turning.
Then they were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola.
Next, they ate a lot of chocolates. At last, she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Jesan asked his wife, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
Tired and fatigued, the wife replied, "Actually honey, I meant dress size!"


Birthdays are good for you.
Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

Sandy went to doctor, "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake, what is wrong there."
Doctor: "Next time, remove the candles before eating the cake."

What is the left side of a birthday cake?
The side that's not eaten.

Zack to Coddy, "What did one candle say to the other?"
Coddy: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"

Computer Jokes

Spell Checker:
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

An office technician got a call from a user. She told him that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the technician deduced that her computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He said - "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it." About fifteen minutes later, she came to his door, with the power cord in her hand.

Malcolm wanted to become a great writer, a writer who will write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger, abuse, and write criticizing him”.
He has become error messages writer for Microsoft.

There was conference of software engineers at Bangalore, in India. There were many groups of software engineers, representing different companies.
They were asked, “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had made the flight control software, how many of you would leave immediately?”
All, except one guy in the right hand corner, raised their hand in affirmation.
The person who had asked the question reached the fellow who had not raised his hands and asked, "Why would you not leave the plane immediately?
The man answered: "I would be quite happy to stay onboard with my team’s software, as the plane will not even pass the runway, let alone take off.

Harris: “How’s your history paper coming?”
Steven: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful.
Harris: “Really?”
Steven: “Yes! I’ve already located 20 people who sell the papers!”

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Happy Birthday sms

Before the clock strikes twelve let me take the opportunity to
let you know that you have grown a year more...
Happy birthday...


Somebody up there Loves you
Somebody down here cares for you
Happy Birthday!!!


This msg has No Fat
No cholesterol n No Addictive
this is all natural except, with a lot of sugar.
But it can never be as sweet as the one reading it.
Happy Birthday


Its just another day, but this one is the best of the year!
Happy Birthday my sweetheart.



How do you expect me to remember your birthday,
when you never look any older?



Your birthday is the perfect day to say I care,
because you will remember me when u certainly
make it a big affair and when you do hold a party... I bet you will be the one
who would care to make ur special day a costly affair!!!!


Many many happy returns of the day and May u Live lOng as Long as more Than Devil.


Let the GOD decorate each GOLDEN RAY OF THE SUN reaching u
with wishes of Success, Happiness and prosperity 4 U, Wish you a super duper Happy Birthday.


Wish you a many many happy returns of the day.
May God bless you with health, wealth and prosperity in your life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.


Its a nice feeling when you know that someone likes you,
someone thinks about you, someone needs you;
but it feels much better when you know that someone never ever forgets your birthday.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

Kick off ur shoes,take a break,
Crank the tunes, Dance & Shake,
light the candles, cut the cake.
Make it a day, that's simply Great!!!
Happy B'Day..

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Children’s Day SMS

Aaj hum khoob mauj udayenge,
Saal bhar toh aapki humni suni…
Aaj hum baate aapko apni batayenge..
Happy Children’s Day Teacher!

Chacha ka hai janamdivas
Sabhi bacche aayenge
Chacha ji ke phool gulab se..
Hum bache sama sab mehkayenge!
Happy Children’s Day

Monday, November 10, 2008

Naughty Jokes

A mature lover went to a jewelry store to buy some gift for his girlfriend.
He selected a locket.
"Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.
The lover thought for a moment, and replied,
"No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love.
This way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger,
I can use it again."

Samuel to Amanda: I'm not rich like Damian,
I don't even have a big car like Damian,
but I really love U!
Amanda: I love u too,
but tell me more about Damian.

Andrew was standing in a bus stop.
A very attractive woman came from behind and said, "Hello!"
Her face was beaming.
He gave her that "who are you look,"
not remembering ever having seen her before.
Noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized.
"Look," she said "I'm really sorry, but when I first saw you,
I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out to board a school bus. Andrew was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to?
Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!"
Then, he was happy that he might resemble one of her former lovers. Suddenly,
he got a little panicky when and thought, "May be during one of the wild parties he had been to, when he was in college, he did father her child!
He boarded that bus, holding his head in his hands, never realizing that she was his son's teacher.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

New year sms

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.
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Years come n go, but this year I specially wish 4 u a double dose of health n happiness topped with loads of good fortune. Have a gr8 year ahead! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

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• A happy New Year! Grant that I May bring no tear to any eye When this New Year in time shall end Let it be said I've played the friend, Have lived and loved and labored here, And made of it a happy year.
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Hope u'll have a New Year that starts right and ends Happy!
• We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room-by-room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.
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Nights are Dark but Days are Light, Wish your Life will always be Bright. So my Dear don't get FearCoz, God Gift us a "BRAND NEW YEAR".*HAPPY NEW YEAR*
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• The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!
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• Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true.
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• New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.
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I Wish in 2009God gives You... 12 Month of Happiness, 52 Weeks of Fun, 365 Days Success, 8760 Hours Good Health, 52600 Minutes Good Luck, 3153600 Seconds of Joy...and that's all!
• Glory to God in highest heaven, Who unto man His Son hath given; While angels sing with tender mirth, A glad new year to all the earth.
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• A Relaxed Mind, A Peaceful Soul, A Joyful Spirit, A Healthy Body & Heart full of Love..All these are my Prayers for You..Wish a Happy New Year
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• With all the Rose's Perfume & with all the lights in the world & with all the children's Smiles...I Wish U that ur all dreams comes True..*HAPPY New Year 2009*
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• May The Year 2009 Bring for You Happiness,Success and filled with Peace,Hope & Togetherness of your Family & Friends....Wishing You a...*HAPPY NEW YEAR*
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• New is the year, new are the hopes and the aspirations, new is the resolution, new are the spirits and forever my warm wishes are for u.Have a promising and fulfilling new year.
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• Years come n go,but this year I specially wish 4 u a double dose of health n happiness topped with loads of good fortune. Have a gr8 year ahead! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
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• When the mid-nite bell rings tonight... Let it signify new and better things for you, let it signify a realisation of all things you wish for, Let it signify a year of courage and believes, Wishing you a very...very...very prosperious 2009.
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• New Year is the time to unfold new horizons & realize new dreams, to rediscover the strength & faith within u, to rejoice in simple pleasures & gear up 4 a new challenges. Wishin u a truly fulfilling 2007
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• Fresh Air.... Fresh Idea.... Fresh Talent.... Fresh Energy.... I wish U to have a ..... Sweetest Sunday, Marvellous Monday, Tasty Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday, Thankful Thursday, Friendly Friday, Successful Saturday. Have a great Year. HAPPY NEW YEAR
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• Each moment in a day has its own value. Morning brings HOPE, Afternoon brings FAITH, Evening brings LOVE, Night brings REST, Hope you will all of them everyday. HAPPY NEW YEAR
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• My wishes for you, Great start for Jan, Love for Feb, Peace for march, No worries for April, Fun for May, Joy for June to Nov, Happiness for Dec, Have a lucky and wonderful 2007.
Years come n go, but this year I specially wish 4 u a double dose of health n happiness topped with loads of good fortune. Have a gr8 year ahead! HAPPY NEW YEAR.
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Oh my Dear, Forget ur Fear,Let all ur Dreams be Clear,Never put Tear, Please Hear, I want to tell one thing in ur Ear Wishing u a very Happy "NEW YEAR"!
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Like birds, let us, leave behind what we don’t need to carry… GRUDGES SADNESS PAIN FEAR and REGRETS. Life is beautiful, Enjoy it. HAPPY NEW YEAR
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Nights are Dark but Days are Light, Nights are Dark but Days are Light, Wish your Life will always be Bright. So my Dear don’t get Fear Coz, God Gift us a BRAND NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW YEAR...
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Beauty.. Freshness.. Dreams.. Truth.. Imagination.. Feeling.. Faith.. Trust.. This is begining of a new year.
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New Year is the time to unfold new horizons& realize new dreams,to rediscover the strength& faith within u,to rejoice in simple pleasures& gear up 4 a new challenges.Wishing u a truly fulfilling Happy New Year.
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Little keys open big locksSimple words reflect great thoughtsYour smile can cure heart blocksSo keep on smiling it rocks.Happy New Year 2009.
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My wishes for you, Great start for Jan, Love for Feb, Peace for March, No worries for April, Fun for May, Joy for June to Nov, Happiness for Dec, Have a lucky and wonderful New Year 2009
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Nights are Dark but Days are Light, Wish your Life will always be Bright. So my Dear don't get FearCoz, God Gift us a "BRAND NEW YEAR".*HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009*
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Hope u'll have a New Year that starts right and ends Happy!
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Before the sun sets in this year, before the memories fade, before the networks get jammed.....Wish u and ur family Happy Sparkling New Year 2009.
A Relaxed Mind, A Peaceful Soul, A Joyful Spirit, A Healthy Body & Heart full of Love..All these are my Prayers for You..Wish a Happy New Year 2009.
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In 'The Universal Bank of God'... God stores his blessings & deposited 365 days full of love, faith & happiness for you... So, Enjoy spending... Happy New Year.
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New Year begins, let us pray, that it will be a year with new Peace, New Happiness, and abundance of new friends. God bless you through out the new Year.
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Throughout the Coming Year may your life be filled with little celebration of Happiness...Wishes you a Bright, Happy and Prosperous New Year 2009 with God Bless.
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Memorable moment r celebrate together,
U r my best friend now & forever,
Make me miss U even more this New Year,
Hope this New Year brings Happiness for you dear.
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A Relaxed Mind,
A Peaceful Soul,
A Joyful Spirit,
A Healthy Body &Heart full of Love.
All these are my Prayers for You.
Wish you a Happy New Year!
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Wishing you a fabulous new year
With full of great achievements and experiencesA meaningful chapter waiting
To be written Happy New Year!
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No shadows to depress u,
Only joys to surround u,
Friends to love u,
And God himself to bless u
These r my wishes for today,
tomorrow & everyday...
Happy New Year
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New Year begins,
let us pray,
That it will be a year with new peace,
New Happiness, and abundance of new friends,
God bless you through out the New Year.
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Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true.

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Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

Exam sms

Exams ke do din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai!

Exams r nearAt d paper u stare
The answer is nowhere
It makes u pull ur hairGrades r not fair
But just lik d past 15 yrs
We don’t care!
Best of luck!

To be a good professional,
Always start to study late for Exams.
Because it teaches how to manage Time
And tackle Emergencies!
Best of luck!

Lamha Lamha waqt guzar jayega…
Chund lamhon mein exam aa jayega…
Abhi bhi waqt hai,
do line parh lo…
Warna pass kya Munna Bhai karvaye ga?
All the best!

Kash koi exam result ka insurance kara deta,
To har exam ka pehle premium bharwa deta,
Pass hote to thik hai,
Varna insurance claim karva leta…
All the best!

Anatomy of Exams
Exams-Kalyug
Exminer-Bhoot
Question Paper-Paheli
Ans Paper-Kora Kagaz
Marks-Asambhav
Cheating-Aksar
Result-Sadma
All the best!

Boy got a 0 in Exam.
Father: Yeh kya hai?
Son: Teacher ke pass stars khatam ho gaye thay,
Unhone planet diye hain!
Hope you get lots of stars and no planets!

Christmas SMS

A silent night,
A star above,
A blessed gift of hope and love,
A blessed Christmas to you!

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
Have a great new year!
Hopefully Santa will be extra good to you.
Enjoy your holidays!
Merry Christmas!

Bells are ringing the wishes of Christmas day
The flying snowflakes send my most sincere blessings to you
Merry Christmas!

Can I have your picture?
So Santa Claus knows exactly
What to give me this year.
Happy Christmas!
Merry Christmas!

May all the sweet magic Of Christmas conspire
To gladden your hearts And fill every desire.
Merry Christmas!

Thanksgiving Jokes

Daddy asked Little Mandy: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Little Mandy: Because they use such FOWL language
that Jesus does not like.

Menses: "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"
Doctor: "I see," "How long have you had this problem?
"Menses: (After mulling for some minutes) Mom laid the egg in 1954..."

What do the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
God save the kin.

A hockey team had finished its daily practice session.
A large turkey came to the ground and walked up to the head coach,
and demanding a tryout.
Players were amazed and grew silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.
Finally, the turkey returned to the sidelines,
where coach was waiting for him.
The coach shouted, "You're terrific!!!
Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."
The turkey replied, "Forget the bonus. And, tell me, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"


What will a turkey, with a dramatic bent of mind,
say to another turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.

Best Wishes SMS

Every bad situation will have something positive
Even a stopped Clock is correct twice a day
Think of this & lead your life
Nothing can stop you
Best of luck!

Trusting God won't make the mountain smaller
But it will make climbing easier.
Hope you are able to climb all your mountains always.
Best of Luck!

Every sunset gives us one day less to live!
But every sunrise give us,
One more to hope!So,
hope for the best.
Best of Luck!

May God grant u a sun beam to warm u,
A moon beam to charm u,
An angel so no one can harm u...
smile now
Wish u best of luck.

May the angels protect U
May sadness forget U
May goodness surround U
May happiness be round U
And may God always bless U..!!

Happiness is like a butterfly u run after it,
It keeps flying away.
But if u stand still,
It comes and sits with u.
Hope you get lots of butterflies.

Soft Speech clean heart,
Peaceful eyes,
strength hands,
Focused mind & determined decision with God's Love.
Always makes u winner.
Best of Luck!

Good Night Sms

Excuse me, Agar aap abhi soye nahin ho
Aur sms parh rahe ho to “Good Night”
Aur agar aap so gaye ho
Aur sms subah padhoge to“Good Morning”

Your phone must have got heavier with this SMS!
It contains load of love, affection and prayers to keep u happy n safe.
Have a nice sleep!
Good night!

If u r still awake, goodnight my sweet darling and
If u just woke up, good morning honey.
Love u so much.

The stars r out,
The moon is up,
One more hug,
One more smile,
Kiss u once,
Kiss u twice,
Now it’s time for bed.
Close ur eyes,
N sleep tight!

I was looking out the windows
Thinking about the person
I care most & Guess who came into my mind - U
So, just want to wish u good night.......

Good Morning SMS

Waves are inspiring,
Not coz they rise-n-fall;
But coz each time they fall,
They never fail to rise again!
Hope u rise always!
Good Morning!


The greatest people of d world have always stood alone.
Few people have d courage to appear as good as they really are!
Good Morning!

Don’t make promises when u r in joy,
Don’t reply when u r sad,
Don’t take decision when u r angry!
Think twice, Act wise
Good Morning!

An Early Morning Message,
Does Not Only Mean Good Morning!
But Has A Silent Message SayingYou Are My First Thought

The sun rises into the sky with the warmest smile,
Wishing you good morning,
Hoping that you have a great dayTake care!
Good Morning!

Its morning time A cup of hot hello,
A plate of crispy wishes,
A spoon of sweet smiles &A slice of great success -
for u Enjoy the day!
Good Morning!

Good Luck SMS

May God grant u a sun to warm u,
A moon to charm u,
An angel so no one can harm u...
Smile now
Wish u best of luck.

Have faith in your ability to succeed,
Be positive and never look back at failures.
Good Luck!

Soft speech, clean heart,
Peaceful eyes,
strong hands,
Focused mind & determined decision.
May God give you all these.
Good Luck!

I wish a wish for u.
It’s a wish I wish for few
The wish I wish for u is that
May all ur wishes come true
Keep wishing as my best wishes are always with u
Good Luck!

May beauty of every season
Give ur heart a beautiful reason to smile.
May u succeed in every exams of ur life.
Good luck & all the best!

Get Well Soon SMS

Why U choose this particular time to get sick,
Seems to us an insensitive choiceLet’s go,
get up and stop faking it;
We are really missing you.
Get Well Soon!

Tackle life with all your skills
Overcome each and every hillIf u persist with all your will
U will enjoy your life and all its thrills.
Get Well Soon!

Gandhi Bapu ne bola he -Koi tumhe SMS nahi karta to koi baat nahi
Use ek Bouquet do aur kaho.
Get Well Soon Mamu!

Heard you were feeling out of a Quack......
Hope you are up & Splashing Soon.
Get Well Soon!

May the little flowers lying in gloom,
Rise and bloom,
swaying endlessly,
This way and that way,
Morning to dusk everyday…
Get well soon.

Early in the morning sun rise with many hopes
But it’s set hopelessly.
It signals that you are not fooling well.
So get well soon!

Be the sky above you,
Blue soft be the road below you,
Affection be the breeze around you,
I pray all the happiness surrounds you.
Get well soon!